99+ Funny Lesbian Jokes: Lesbian Jokes

99+ Funny Lesbian Jokes: Lesbian Jokes for Queer Joy & Giggles – Humor has always been a part of LGBTQ+ culture, and when it comes to Lesbian Jokes, there’s a whole world of wit, sass, and good-hearted laughs. This blog brings you a full list of 99+ inclusive, funny, and smart lesbian jokes made by and for queer women (and anyone who loves them).

From clever wordplay to campy one-liners, these lesbian jokes are about celebration, not stereotypes. Whether you’re a proud lesbian, part of the LGBTQ+ community, or an ally looking to laugh with, not at, these jokes are pure queer joy.

What Are Some Funny Lesbian Jokes?

Let’s start with a few light-hearted lesbian jokes that are safe, sweet, and laugh-out-loud funny:

• What do you call a group of lesbians in a library?
  A book club—and it meets weekly to discuss The L Word.
• Why did the lesbian bring a ladder to the bar?
  She heard the drinks were on the house.
• Why do lesbians love hiking?
  It’s the only thing gayer than a U-Haul on the second date.
• What did the lesbian vampire say to her date?
  “I’m not into men… but I’ll suck the life out of your ex.”

🎀 Funny Lesbian Jokes Generator

Here are original, Lesbian Jokes to enjoy and share with your chosen family or on social media:

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Tell Me Some Good Lesbian Jokes

You asked, and here’s the queer comedy you deserve. Here are a few good lesbian jokes that celebrate the lifestyle, the love, and the lingo:

• How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  Just one—and the lightbulb’s her ex.
• What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport?
  Softball… obviously. But only for the uniforms.
• Why don’t lesbians play hide and seek?
  Because good luck hiding from someone who already moved in on the second date.

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Hilarious Lesbian Jokes to Brighten Your Day

These hilarious lesbian jokes will make you smile, smirk, and maybe even spit out your iced coffee:

• What did one lesbian say to the other at Home Depot?
  “We should build a relationship.”
• Why did the lesbian fail her cooking class?
  Because she kept U-hauling the ingredients too early.
• Why don’t lesbians do improv?
  Because they already planned the next three years of their relationship.

10 Best Lesbian Jokes

Here are 10 of the best lesbian jokes, polished and punchy:

1. What’s a lesbian’s idea of speed dating?
   Two dates and a lease.
2. Why do lesbians love astrology?
   Because “What’s your sign?” replaces “Do you come here often?”
3. Why do lesbians travel in pairs?
   One drives, the other DJs the Indigo Girls.
4. What’s a lesbian’s favorite horror movie?
   Straight Outta Feelings.
5. How can you tell someone’s a lesbian?
   Don’t worry—they already told you… and sent a follow-up meme.
6. What’s the lesbian version of “Netflix and chill”?
   “Documentary and discuss.”
7. Why are lesbians great at furniture assembly?
   Because they’ve been building relationships from scratch for years.
8. What does a lesbian bring to a potluck?
   Vegan mac and cheese—and her girlfriend’s ex.
9. How do lesbians flirt?
   Through eye contact, playlists, and emotionally bonding over trauma.
10. What’s a lesbian’s favorite game?
    Emotional Jenga.

10 Funny Lesbian Jokes

Let’s keep the laughs going with 10 more funny lesbian jokes:

• Why do lesbians love brunch?
  Because mimosas pair perfectly with gay panic.
• What’s a lesbian’s favorite yoga pose?
  Emotional openness… and cat-cow.
• What do lesbians and IKEA have in common?
  Complicated instructions—but totally worth it.
• What’s the difference between a straight bar and a lesbian bar?
  At the lesbian bar, no one hits on you—but everyone remembers your pronouns.
• Why did the lesbian ghost get dumped?
  Because she kept haunting her ex’s new girlfriend.
• What’s a lesbian’s favorite app?
  Pinterest—for wedding inspiration, emotional processing, and home decor.
• Why do lesbians keep receipts?
  Because processing emotions is a team sport.
• Why don’t lesbians play poker?
  Too much emotional transparency.
• How did the lesbian win the spelling bee?
  She spelled out her feelings—on the first date.
• What’s the best pickup line at a lesbian bar?
  “Want to help me reorganize my bookshelves?”

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10 Hilarious Lesbian Jokes

Turn the volume up with these hilarious lesbian jokes:

1. Why did the lesbian refuse to play Monopoly?
   Because she already owns a U-Haul and emotional baggage.
2. What’s a lesbian’s dream vacation?
   A road trip with her partner… and their five cats.
3. How do lesbians tell time?
   By how long it’s been since their last processing session.
4. What’s a lesbian’s favorite party theme?
   Feelings and Flannel.
5. Why did the lesbian become a barista?
   Because she wanted to serve bold energy with soft foam.
6. Why do lesbians love dogs?
   Because dogs don’t ghost them after deep emotional connection.
7. What do you call a lesbian who’s also a plant mom?
   Emotionally rooted and probably thriving.
8. Why did the lesbian start a book club?
   Because she needed another reason to flirt with literary analysis.
9. Why are lesbians excellent drivers?
   They’ve navigated every red flag in the relationship.
10. What’s a lesbian’s favorite way to break up?
    Kindly, honestly, and with a playlist.

10 Lesbian Short Jokes

Need something short and sassy? Here are 10 quick lesbian jokes:

• I came out, and suddenly everyone thought I knew how to build furniture.
• I said “U-Haul,” and she said “When?”
• My dating app bio just says: “Soft but scary.”
• I’m not flirting, I’m processing.
• Love languages? Mine is overthinking and Spotify playlists.
• She’s not just my girlfriend—she’s my backup therapist.
• Yes, I own that flannel. No, it’s not yours.
• I brought tofu to the cookout and still left with a girlfriend.
• I thought it was a first date. She brought a moving box.
• If I had a dollar for every ex who’s still my friend, I could start a co-op.

10 Witty One-Liners for Lesbian Laughs

These one-liners are short, sharp, and stylish—just like your favorite flannel:

• “I’m emotionally available, just not tonight.”
• “My love language is intense eye contact and matching tattoos.”
• “I came out for the vibes and stayed for the drama.”
• “Does this tarot reading say she’s my future wife or my next mistake?”
• “I don’t do small talk—I do intense processing.”
• “She said she likes poetry, so now I’m writing a chapbook.”
• “Dating me is like therapy, but hotter.”
• “I don’t ghost—I haunt.”
• “It’s not a date until we bring up our attachment styles.”
• “If she cancels brunch, it’s a red flag.”

Additional 50 Lesbian Jokes​

(All in good fun—celebrating lesbian culture with puns, stereotypes we lovingly own, and plenty of flannel-flavored laughs.)

1. Why did the lesbian bring a ladder to the second date?

So she could get a leg up on the U-Haul paperwork.

2. You know you’re a lesbian when…

Your toolbelt costs more than your evening gown (and gets worn more, too).

3. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Barista: “Name for the order?”
She: “It’s Mrs… and Mrs.”
Barista: “Spell that?”
She: “F-L-A-N-N-E-L.”

4. Why do lesbians excel at escape rooms?

They bring their own Allen keys—and emotional processing.

5. What’s a lesbian’s favorite martial art?

Tai-Grind-her.

6. Why did the lesbian electrician get promoted?

Great at finding the stud *and* grounding the circuit.

7. You know it’s a lesbian wedding when…

There are two brides, three alt bouquets, and one communal toolbox “just in case.”

8. Why did the lesbian cross the road?

To adopt the free cat on the other side.

9. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Date 1: coffee.
Date 2: dinner.
Date 3: joint Costco membership.

10. What’s a lesbian vampire’s drink order?

Bloody Mary—hold the man.

11. Why do lesbians love thrift stores?

Because “pre-loved” is their love language.

12. You know you’re a lesbian when your camping gear…

Doubles as your Friday-night outfit.

13. Why did the softball team bring therapy goats?

Stress relief and instant mascots—two birds, one baa.

14. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

She: “I don’t do labels.”
Also she: *organizes spice rack alphabetically.*

15. Why are lesbians so good at podcasts?

Years of practicing active listening on exes.

16. What’s a lesbian’s favorite Wi-Fi name?

“Flan-LAN.”

17. You know the drummer’s a lesbian because…

The kick pedal wears Birkenstocks.

18. Why did the lesbian botanist love ferns?

They also thrive in indirect light and gentle misting.

19. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

“Want to come over and see my power-tools?”
Translation: It’s a serious relationship.

20. Why do lesbians never lose at charades?

Years of communicating feelings without words.

21. What’s a lesbian’s favorite season?

Flannel Season (formerly known as autumn).

22. Why did the lesbian refuse the ring-doorbell camera?

She’s already emotionally available 24/7—no need for extra surveillance.

23. You know you’re at a lesbian baby shower when…

The Midwife Bingo game has expansion packs.

24. Why are lesbians bad at hide-and-seek?

Their laughter echoes off the Subaru.

25. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

First date question: “Cat person or dog person?”
Correct answer: “Yes.”

26. Why did the lesbian join improv?

She heard there were no straight lines.

27. What’s a lesbian archaeologist’s motto?

Always dig deeper—especially into feelings.

28. You know you’re at a lesbian potluck when…

Three quinoa salads show up wearing different pronouns.

29. Why did the lesbian avoid the haunted house?

She’d already processed her childhood ghosts in therapy.

30. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Mama bear: “Where’s your girlfriend?”
Cub: “We broke up.”
Mama bear: “Check the tool shed.”

31. Why do lesbians love board games?

Because boundaries are printed right on the box.

32. What’s a lesbian’s favorite cardio?

Processing conflict before bedtime.

33. You know your barber’s a lesbian when…

The consultation starts with pronouns and ends with community-building.

34. Why did the lesbian get kicked out of Ikea?

She tried to move in before buying.

35. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Girlfriend: “I need space.”
Lesbian: *books a cabin—together.*

36. Why do lesbians love astrology?

It’s the only time “What’s your sign?” leads to hardware store dates.

37. What’s a lesbian’s retirement plan?

A tiny house, a big garden, and unlimited flannel budget.

38. You know the DJ’s a lesbian because…

Every transition includes a Melissa Etheridge sample.

39. Why did the lesbian refuse mainstream GPS?

It kept suggesting straight routes.

40. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Therapist: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
Lesbian: “On date three—with the same person.”

41. Why are lesbians great at reality TV recaps?

They pause every five minutes to unpack the emotional labor.

42. What do you call a group of lesbians making jam?

A preserves-bian collective.

43. You know you’re a lesbian when your wallet…

Contains loyalty punch cards for three hardware stores.

44. Why do lesbians love power naps?

Anything with “power” in the name feels affirming.

45. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Date: “What’s your type?”
Lesbian: “DIY or die.”

46. Why did the lesbian beekeeper thrive?

She already knew how to manage a buzzing community.

47. What’s a lesbian’s idea of speed dating?

Two-hour introductions with a feelings debrief.

48. Why did the lesbian hiker bring two headlamps?

One for the trail, one for the post-hike book club.

49. You know the chef’s a lesbian when…

The tofu is marinated in emotional safety.

50. BEGINNING OF THE JOKE

Friend: “Why three cats?”
Lesbian: “One for each love language.”

Why Lesbian Jokes Matter (When They’re Done Right)

Lesbian jokes can be empowering, validating, and a vital part of queer joy—but only when they’re done right. That means:

✅ Told by (or for) lesbians and LGBTQ+ people
✅ Inclusive and punchy—not punch-down
✅ Playfully self-aware, never mocking
✅ Reflective of real queer culture and connection

When we laugh at shared experiences—awkward first dates, dramatic exes, U-Hauls, and astrology apps—we’re creating space for visibility, validation, and celebration.

Humor is resistance. Humor is healing. Humor is so gay. And we love that.

Final Thoughts on Lesbian Jokes

From flirty flannel one-liners to emotional U-Haul punchlines, lesbian jokes are more than just laughs—they’re love letters to the queer experience. Whether you’re sharing these with your group chat, reciting them at brunch, or using them to break the ice with your crush (hello, flirty plant moms!), you’re part of something joyful.

So go ahead. Send this list to your bestie, text your ex (kidding… maybe), or just read it for your own delight. Because every time we laugh at something so deeply gay, we’re affirming who we are.

And if you didn’t laugh at least once? Babe… that’s a red flag.

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